The Filipino Love Letter

Mahal kong Maria,

I write this by the light of a burning truck. There is nothing left to eat but mule meat and a handful of rice. The men are too weak to stand. But we held the line for three months. We gave America time. We gave MacArthur time to build his forces in Australia. We gave the world a chance.

Tomorrow we will surrender. General King is negotiating the terms now. There is no shame in it — we have nothing left. No food. No medicine. No ammunition. The men are dying of malaria and starvation faster than the Japanese can kill them. We fought until we could fight no more. That is enough.

I do not know what will happen to us after we surrender. The Japanese are not known for mercy. But I want you to know that I am not afraid. I have done my duty. I have served my country. And I have loved you — that is the most important thing I have done in my life.

Your photograph is the only thing I have left. It is creased and worn from being carried in my pocket through mud and rain and jungle heat. I look at it and remember the mango trees in your grandmother’s yard, the taste of buko juice on a hot afternoon, your hand in mine as we walked along the shore at sunset. I remember your laughter when I tried to dance at our wedding. I remember the way you looked at me when you said yes. I carry all of it with me.

If I do not come home, plant a mango tree in my memory. I will be the wind in its leaves. I will be the sun that ripens its fruit. I will be the rain that waters its roots.

Tell our families that I died standing. Tell them that I was never defeated, even when I was starving. Tell them that the Filipino soldier held his head high until the very end.

Maria, my love, my life, my heart — if this is the last letter you ever receive from me, know this: I loved you without condition, without reservation, without end. You were my home when I had no home. You were my peace when the world was at war.

I do not know what comes after death. But if there is a next life, I will find you again. I will find you in every lifetime, in every world, in every corner of the universe.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Your Miguel

Huwag kang matakot. Mahal kita.